Learning about the Atonement

This week was a good one--definitely a week where Sister Osborn and I felt pushed to the limit.  We've had lots of really potent experiences and are working hard to be able to fulfill our purpose. 

This week I feel like I've been able to learn a lot about the Atonement.  We had an appointment with a recent convert who's fallen back into some of the habits that were part of his life before his baptism.  It was amazing to see the Spirit in action as we taught him about the Atonement.  We talked about faith and repentance and the miracle of change that's possible as we do our best to do what the Lord requires of us, and how He makes up the part we literally can't do by ourselves.  As I walked away from that appointment, the reality of the Atonement and of the Savior hit me so hard.  The atoning sacrifice of the Savior is REAL.  The Atonement always becomes more real to me as I recognize the need for it.  This recent convert needs it to be able to change, the people we meet need it to be able to change,and more than anything, I realize again and again that I need the atonement to be able to change.  It's so humbling to think of everything that the Savior does for each of us.

This week we had stake conference and the theme was "Come Unto Christ."  It was amazing, and just what I needed after a week in which we've struggled to see success in our area.  Most of the speakers focused on the Atonement and the healing and saving power of what Christ did for us as part of the plan of God.  One speaker described a moment in his life where he realized something similar to what I felt after our appointment with the recent convert this week.  In thinking about the Atonement, he had a moment in which he read the account of the Atonement in Mark and realized, "He did that for ME."  It's such a miracle that each of us can say that phrase and have it be true: "He did that for ME."  The atonement is so personal and so merciful.  It's hard to fathom, and even though we can't really understand the atonement enough to answer the question, "How is it done?" (Enos 1:7), we can see the effects of it in our lives as it changes us and allows us to overcome sins, injuries, and weaknesses.  The effects are so REAL, and I'm seeing that as a missionary more than I've ever seen it before.  It's an amazing blessing to be a part of the process of conversion.

This week I went back to my area in Daly City for an exchange.  In just 3 weeks, so much has changed there.  Before AND after Marina's baptism right before I left, I felt like we had nothing--no solid investigators and no prospects, just disappearing investigator after disappearing investigator.  This week when I went back, they have 2 investigators that have baptismal dates, and several other solid prospects.  One of the investigators who will be baptized this month was a person that I contacted initially.  It's actually kind of a miracle story, seeing the whole thing now.  It was near the end of a long, long day, and we were saying a prayer in the car before going out to contact.  We were parked in front of a house that I had knocked a few days before.  The door got slammed in our face before we said a word.  But when I opened my eyes after saying "amen," I saw a man smoking a cigarette near the back gate of that house.  I looked right at him after opening my eyes and I felt that I needed to talk to him right then.  We had a good conversation, set an appointment, and then I was transferred out  of the area the next day.  And then when I went back this weekend, I found out that he's quit smoking completely, has come to church every week, and has never missed an appointment.  He's incredibly solid!  I feel blessed to have been a tiny part of that work, to have been able to contact him even if he won't be "my baptism."  We truly never know the influence we have by
doing what we're asked to do.  At first when I went back to Daly City, I
felt discouraged and a little bothered to think that I had seen so little success, or so I thought, and that as soon as I left the area exploded wit 
great prospects.  I've had to repent of that feeling, which is completely selfish and may even be jealousy, and realize that this is ALL the work of the Lord, no matter the point at which we enter the process.  I worked really hard in Daly City, and that should be enough for me--that I did what I was asked to and did my best to train the missionary who would stay.  I don't need to beat myself up or be bitter that I only saw one baptism from my 2 transfers there.  It's all the work of the Lord, and I'm blessed to be able to do it every day, no matter the external results.  I was definitely called to repentance by the Spirit for feeling a little bitter about my experience there.  That's not a feeling that I want attached to my mission at all, so I needed a major attitude change.  The mission is humbling, every day!

first exchanges, time going by

This week was a little more crazy because we started the exchanges with the sisters.  I went to Walnut Creek in the English program for a day, and it was a totally different experience to teach in English and contact in English.  The population and the neighborhood was just so different just by switching languages.  On the exchange, we did a service project and we dug holes for posts in a deck by hand.  It felt great to work in the yard (crazy, right?), but I was super sore for the next 2 days from shoveling.

I also went on my first exchange as the leader of the area.  I struggled a little getting around, but it was a great exchange and things went well. We taught a lesson to a woman whose family is all studying with another religion.  Her mother-in-law decided it would be a good idea to lecture us for 5 minutes straight on how to use the Bible and how we need to learn the Bible better (before we even said anything about any type of scripture or doctrine).  We thanked her for sharing and then sang a hymn and started teaching.  It was interesting to see how the daughter-in-law could tell the difference between the Spirit of the Lord and the spirit of contention. It's amazing to be a participant in this work, and to have the blessing of being able to help people feel the Spirit and understand the love of God through the gospel.

We had a great experience last night where we were truly able to be instruments in the Lord's hands.  We went to visit a member who is recently becoming active in the church.  We had planned to be at the Visitor's Center during that time with Angel, but he canceled so we were in our area instead.  We knocked on this sister's door, and when she opened it, it was clear that she'd been crying and was just about at the end of her rope. She let us in and started telling us about some truly awful things that have been happening with her daughter.  The look on her face was heartbreaking and she was literally in agony because of some of the choices her daughter had made.  We showed up at the right moment to be there to help her feel the Spirit.  She said she had started to think that maybe God had abandoned her, and then we dropped by.  We were able to read the scriptures with her and talk about the Atonement so the Spirit could bring her some peace.  It's so humbling to be put in the right place at the right time to help someone.  God has a plan for us, and that plan is eternal and bigger than we can imagine, but even the smallest moments day to day are a part of that plan too.  It was part of His plan that all of OUR plans fell through that night so we could be there to help this sister to remember that her Heavenly Father is aware of her.  It was a good reminder for me as well that God is aware of the work we are doing, and that what we do really does matter and make a difference.  Our area is struggling right now and our teaching pool is nearly dry, and it's been frustrating to see people feel the Spirit powerfully in a lesson and then turn around and reject the gospel.  Regardless of what others choose, this is the work of the Lord and it is the Savior's gospel that we are sharing.  Our encounter with this sister was a tender mercy and a good reminder of the healing power of the Holy Ghost and the Atonement, and of our role in being where the Lord needs us to share that healing power in the right moment.

San Mateo, CA--Loving it!!!

This has been a great week. It's always a challenge to adjust to a new area, but Sister Osborn is great and is helping me get to know the ward and our prostelyting area.  I've been able to do the driving this week, which is really good, since this week I'll be running the area alone on an exchange.  I'm so grateful to have Sister Osborn as my companion and my example.  I love her so much and I'm so excited to serve with her again.  She's become one of my best friends and we're really able to work in unity, which is a blessing.  She pushes me and makes me better, just like a good companion should.  :D

We only have one solid investigator right now.  His name is Angel and he's about 24 years old. He attended a baptism in the ward this week and felt the Spirit really strongly. We went on a small tour of the chapel and talked with him about the baptism. He got some great interaction time with the members and they did a great job of saying hi to him and inviting him to activities. We also had a lesson with him this week. We taught part of the plan of salvation from Alma, and invited him to be baptized again. He's planning to be baptized at the beginning of September!  He understands the importance of baptism and told us that he's been praying about the Book of Mormon.  I'm sure you'll hear lots of good things about him in the future!
This Friday I got to go to Marina's baptism in Daly City!  It was such a sweet experience to see her make that covenant with Heavenly Father. There's always such an amazing spirit in baptisms.  It's so amazing to see someone make that decision, especially further on in life.  Her son baptized her and the ward members gave excellent talks.  Everyone felt Marina's strong spirit and the Spirit of the Lord.  So great!  The only heartbreaking thing is that I'll probably never see Marina again.  She goes back to Guatemala on Wednesday, so that goodbye at the end of the baptismal service is probably a permanent one, at least for this life.  She asked for my home phone number and I told her she could call me after May 2013, so hopefully I'll at least get to hear her voice in the future.   It has truly been a privilege to teach her the gospel.  It's so humbling to hear people say "thank you" for having taught them, when really I feel like I didn't do anything.  It's all the Spirit--that teaches, that helps them change, that helps them learn, everything.  I feel so blessed to be here
and to serve the Lord.

This Sunday I got to go to church for the first time here in the El Camino ward.  It was a good experience!  The bishop is amazing.  I got a few unique opportunities this week in church.  I got to play the organ (it was a little rough, after many years of not playing it. oops!) in sacrament meeting and accompany the special musical number.  Bishop asked me before church started to speak for 10 minutes in sacrament meeting.  He asked me what I'd speak on, and he approved the topic I told him.  But then when he stood up to announce my name in the program, he said, "We'll now hear from Sister Croft, our new missionary.  She'll be sharing with us on the theme of the Doctrine of Christ and the temple."  Uhhh, what??  Hahaha, that's NOT the topic we'd talked about.   Apparently he was inspired to change the theme.  I think it went well, and it was a good experience for me to always be prepared to teach and bear testimony, and to follow the Spirit. 

We didn't go on any exchanges this week, but we have two coming up this week.  I'll be going to Walnut Creek and then staying here in the area on my own for the first time.  It will be interesting!  I'm praying hard that I'll be able to fulfil the purpose the Lord has for me in this area and in this calling with the sisters.  It's a big responsibility, but I feel mostly calm about it.  I just feel blessed to have this assignment and to be able to help in a small way with each companionship and sisters' area in the mission.  Pray for me! 

MIRACLES. Always!

Wow.  So many changes this week!  First of all, and most importantly, Marina CAN be baptized this Friday!!!  We're so excited.  She'll be baptized Friday, confirmed Sunday, and fly to Guatemala on Wednesday.  It will be SO HARD to say goodbye to her.  It's amazing how much we've come to love her in just a WEEK of teaching her the gospel.  She's amazing.  She's living all of the commandments and is really preparing to be a dedicated and obedient member of the church her whole life.  She was super worried about being able to find missionaries and her ward in Guatemala, and she's already making plans to be able to purchase temple clothing so she can be endowed in a year.  She's incredible.  She's so sweet and is truly hungering for the word of God.  Yesterday we went to the same fireside Derek mentioned, "Why I Believe," with her, and then we went to the Visitor's Center.  Her spirit is so strong.  Her poor little body is very beat up and old (she's 70 and was in a horrible accident where she was crushed by a truck) and because of brain damage from the accident she has memory loss, but even if she can't remember details of every doctrine, her desire to be obedient says so much about her testimony.  She's so sensitive to the Spirit and truly a wonder.  At the Visitor's Center, Marina and Sister Bram and I just cried because we're so happy to know each other, and so sad that after this week, we'll probably never see each other again. That will be a very happy reunion in the Celestial Kingdom someday.

I actually won't get to be there for the last few lessons before her baptism this Friday, because I'm being transferred!  I was definitely not expecting to be transferred.  On Saturday President Meredith called me as the new sister trainer!  Whaaaaaaaaaaat???  I was surprised.  I think I explained sister trainers when Sis. Osborn was called as sister trainer. Basically there is one companionship of sisters that is called to go on exchanges with every sister in the mission for training purposes.  So I'll get to be with sisters in the English program and the Spanish program, as well as the Tagalog, Tongan, and CHINESE programs.  I'm so excited!  Also scared.  It's going to be really tough and definitely a very different experience, but I feel blessed to have been given the opportunity to serve the sisters of the mission.  I'll also be blessed to interact with President Meredith more often as we meet with him and the zone leaders and assistants.  And the biggest surprise and blessing of all... I get to be with Sister Osborn again!  My trainer and I have been reunited!  I'm so so
happy.  I'm truly very sad to leave Sister Bram so soon, and very very VERY sad to leave the San Francisco ward, but I know good things are ahead. Pray for me, please!  I will need it!

Another miracle... a few weeks ago we gave a copy of the Book of Mormon to a man named Ausencio and he started reading it right away.  He didn't want to set an appointment with us but we saw that he felt the Spirit as he read.  We went back to his house this week and he pulled the Book of Mormon out of his jacket pocket.  He carries it around with him!  He opened it and said, "I haven't read very much, I still need to read more."  He showed us where he was in the book and he'd read from the title page all the way to Jacob 4!  And he HIGHLIGHTED!  Amazing.  This man WILL be baptized.  I won't get to see it happen, probably, but I can feel it.  A miracle!

Time Flying

This week has been a little frustrating, but ended with what is a complete  miracle.  This week we've been doing pure finding, and we had almost all of our appointments cancel or not show up.  Our only solid investigators right now are Laura and Juan. We taught them the restoration and a lesson on the Book of Mormon this week. They're both very open, but also seem to be a little complacent about keeping commitments. Laura is really involved with the Catholic church and while she could accept many of the doctrines we taught and is herself very spiritually prepared, she's reluctant to look outside her own religion for the truth.  It's always amazing to see how people will often teach us in the lessons as they express things they've learned through the Spirit.  That's always the biggest sign for me that someone is learning by the Spirit and has been prepared--when they start saying things that literally come right out of the Book of Mormon or Preach My Gospel.  It's always a little bit of a shocker, but it feels great. When Laura was talking to us in her lesson on the Book of Mormon, I couldn't help but think of Mary Aviles, the mom of the family that got
baptized in Richmond.  There's definitely a happy ending in sight for Laura, if not now than in the future! 
Our miracle this week came just at the right moment.  After church we went downstairs in the chapel so I could play prelude for one of the elders' investigator's baptism.  A ward member came and started talking to us an 
told us that the second counselor in the bishopric's mother said that she wants to receive the lessons and be baptized.  What?!  We ran upstairs and met this sweet older lady, Marina.  She told us how she always has felt happy when coming to church, and always feels happy learning about God, but has never been baptized and has been hesitant to meet with missionaries because she can't read.  We told her not to worry and that that happiness comes from the Spirit, and she said, "I know."  The only problem is, she wants to get baptized before she goes back to her country, which is in 2 weeks!  We'll meet with her tonight and talk about the sacredness of baptism and the commandments, and then we'll see if she'll be able to be baptized before she leaves.  Even if she won't be able to be baptized before she goes home, it's truly a miracle that we'll be able to teach someone that has a desire to be baptized, has years of experience with the church, and has an extremely solid support system and lives with members!
She came out of the blue and is truly the miracle we've been praying for, even if the missionaries in her country will be the ones that carry out the baptism.  This is the answer to weeks of praying in our apartment, praying in the car, praying on doorsteps, and in every other moment to find people who are prepared to receive the gospel.  Our God is a god of miracles and He answers prayers!

Haha, so kind of a funny story... this week we saw an old lady struggling to pull a little laundry cart down the street.  We asked if she needed help and started talking to her.  She let me pull her cart and we walked with her for about half a mile to her church, which is where she was headed with the cart.  We had a great conversation about the restored gospel, set up an appointment to see her the next day, and then walked the half mile back to our car.  I felt SO HAPPY--you know, the warm fuzzies you get when you help someone and they're grateful and very nice, and I was happy that we set up an appointment and that our conversation was so great.  I felt so happy that I wrote down in my planner right then that I'd share this experience with you in my email.  The next day, we drove looking for her house to go to the appointment and... she'd LIED to us!  She gave us an address that doesn't exist!  I was shocked.  No way!  After I pulled the cart up and down hills and we'd had such a great conversation--no way!  I decided that this is a lesson in service.  Sometimes people don't react the way we think they will, but all that matters is that we try our best to serve them. Their reaction doesn't really matter at the end of it all.  I'll just try and hang on to the happy feeling I had after pulling her cart, and not
worry that  she completely deceived us.  Bahahaha 

Freezing, and feelings

It sounds like your 4th of July was fun!  Ours was good here too.  We attended the ward barbeque, where they grilled all kinds of interesting things (I won't go there) and our district leader made some salsa that made a grown man cry it was so spicy.  Other than that, it was a normal prostelyting day for us.  Then again, we aren't in the nation's capitol, so there wasn't much of an excuse for an all-out preparation day.   I will say that this was the coldest 4th of July I've ever had though!  It was kind of weird for me to be wearing an overcoat in July, but such is the climate here.

So this week was not what I expected it would be last Monday.  We were able to find 8 investigators last week, as I said, but we're now only teaching 1 of those people.  We've been having trouble with setting appointments with investigators because they don't want to make space in their schedules. It's sad to see when people know what to do but they don't do it.  All we can do is invite them to accept the truth, do all we can to meet with them, and then let them make their decisions.  There are people that are prepared and willing to make the gospel a priority!  We just have to find them.

One of our investigators "dropped" us last night. This investigator dropped us because he didn't understand why we couldn't be alone in his kitchen with him without another woman present.  He was also drunk, so that's probably a contributing factor, but he told us not to come back to his house again. I'm always amazed at how much getting "dropped" feels like getting dumped by a boy.  I literally went through the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance), but in rapid-mode, like all within 10 minutes.  It's kind of exhausting to feel so much all the time!  But it's wonderful and a testament to me that this truly is the work of the Lord.  Nothing else could produce such powerful emotions and spiritual experiences in us or in the people we teach. Feeling such a range of strong emotions is teaching me a lot about the depth and reach of the Atonement, and how profound the suffering of the Savior was for us.  I can't imagine how He feels when one of us (ALL of us) commits a sin or decides to not accept the truth.  Nothing but infinite and perfect love could motivate such a sacrifice.

We were able to teach [Y], one of the investigators from last week, once this week. She was a little defensive as we started the lesson and didn't want to talk to us because she was convinced we were there to drag her out of her church (the Catholic church) and into ours.  She didn't want anything to do with us, and was even trying (unsuccessfully) to be mad at us while we sang "Love at Home." We re-set some expectations and tried our hardest to meet her needs and invite the Spirit. We taught the message of the restoration and testified of the Book of Mormon. She felt the Spirit during the lesson and softened her heart a little, and accepted a copy of the Book of Mormon and a return visit. It's always amazing to see the miracles that the Spirit can work in peoples' lives.  Little by little, the Spirit draws us toward the truth and can change our hearts.

Halfway through the transfer?!

We had a really excellent week this week.  We found 8 new investigators--two new families! They've both been prepared in a lot of ways.  Juan and Consuelo have actually had contact with the church before. Consuelo, the mom, attended our church in Mexico for over a year before moving to the United States.  Her sister attended as well and actually got baptized.  When we asked her why she didn't get baptized, she said she wasn't sure--the moment just never arrived!  We hope her moment has arrived now.  We had a great lesson with them and they are very close to accepting a baptismal date for the end of July.  The other family, the Garcias, are also super prepared.  The dad was a gangster 10 years ago, but decided to change his life.  He immediately called all his kids into the living room to listen to the lesson and read the scriptures.  It's so awesome to see a
dad taking the lead in providing opportunities for his children to learn about their Heavenly Father.  That's honestly something that's becoming more and more rare.  In a lot of the families we teach, the mom is the one who takes the lead and the dad often sits back and watches, or doesn't participate at all.  In reality, both are responsible for the spiritual well-being of their children, but it's part of the divine calling of fatherhood to be the spiritual leader in the home along with the mother.

We also met our new mission president and his wife, President and Sister Meredith!  It's honestly kind of weird to not have President and Sister Wade around.  I really feel that they are a big reason why I was called to this mission.  They've both helped me to grow personally in many ways and I know Heavenly Father knew I needed them.  I also feel that way about President and Sister Meredith.  It's amazing to see the mantle fall upon someone's shoulders as they accept a calling.  President and Sister Meredith are just exploding with sincere and profound love for the mission and the missionaries.  They're definitely more "grandparent-ish" than the Wades, I think.   Sister Meredith actually reminds me of Grandma Croft in the way she speaks to us.  She doesn't have an accent, but she has the same smile when she's telling a story. 

I can't believe how quickly the time is flying by.  Sometimes I feel a little sick inside (I understand you now, Derek) thinking about how little time there is.  Every week goes by like the wind and I often feel a little panicky that I haven't seen the results I've expected to see.  I want to be able to go to bed every night with the satisfaction of knowing that I've done everything I could that day.  Most days that's definitely true, but there are also days when I may have missed opportunities.  I want to try my hardest to make sure not a single day slips by with "trunky" thoughts or distractions.  As President Holland said in his last conference talk, "It's getting late" and I want to do everything I can with the time that I have. This truly is the work of the Lord.  The gospel has been restored, and now is the time, whether we're full-time missionaries or not, to live the gospel and share the gospel.